Can't help it...

I got engaged this past weekend. :  ) I'm so happy and so is my now fiancee. School is gone nuts though! I'm so bogged down with work. I can't stand it. I feel as if I won't need this stuff except anything that I can learn about the Bible and God. I feel as thought that is all that matters at this point. But I'm not the one paying the bill. My parents are and I need to do well so as to not waste their money. 


I can't wait for the break so I can help in planning the wedding, and work a little. Hopefully work at the local studio because I enjoy it there. I also can't wait to spend more time seeking God. I need to do that more. I sense I need to do this urgently. So I guess I probably should do it now rather than wait. Oh Lord, please give me the strength to get my work done and to find and be keen to your ways and keen to when you speak. I think I'm beginning to understand the gifts you gave me and I thank you for them and may they bring glory to Your name.

Failure On

I failed tonight... and this weekend. I feel horrible like I let God down. In a way I did... I spat in His face and did what I wanted. I feel dirty and messed up. I hate this feeling and the feeling of disappointment. I don't feel any better after doing it, in fact I feel dumb and childish. I don't like this.

Why do I keep doing it???

This weekend was ok. I was suppose to propose this past weekend to my girl friend but her mom didn't want me to and essentially stopped me by saying she wanted to talk to me. But she did, and I'm glad we talked cause I feel closer to her now and what she had to say was valuable information. I think I'm going to propose this weekend at some point. I feel I need too regardless of it being away from "home" and not where we can readily celebrate with family. But this is me starting my family... so in a sense I will be with family, just not in the presence of our parents. I'm excited about it... I hope I don't get too nervous.

I'm so tired but I can't fall asleep really quick. I have a friend that can, sometimes I wish I could just sleep like that. I don't even know why I'm writing cause nobody reads this anyways. I guess i write to listen to myself so I can really see if what I'm thinking makes sense and isn't stupid. It helps me sort it out and in the off chance it helps someone if they ever read this... all the better. I guess i should try and sleep some and pray to help me get rid of this feeling and to right all the wrong I did because I did do wrong and I know this... I just feel horrible and want to make it right. Blessings.

Assalaamu Alaikum

Crying

There's something about crying that is just refreshing and renewing to the soul. I don't cry much but when I do you know something has bothered me a lot. I cried tonight... over what isn't really relevant right now but it felt good to get it all out. The Bible says "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4) Those that cry will be comforted. Those that hurt will be consoled. I was consoled. I was comforted and I give God the glory in it all. 


I also just sat around today. It felt good. I needed the rest. God calls for us to rest... especially on Sunday to rest in body and in spirit with Him. I urge you all to rest in Him... and no matter what allow Him to work through you. 


I'm tired now. I think I'm going to go and sleep. 

Assalaamu Alaikum

Reliance

As I sit here listening to Owl City... I remembered something I read today about relying on God. In order for Him to help us any we need to give Him it all. It makes sense... How can anyone fix anything if we don't give them all the parts? I prayed last night for help with finances and I got called today for an interview. Praise God. The more I think about it if I just give it all to Him and just let it go He will cover me. Because everything is His already it's just on loan to us. So why not just give it all to Him and let Him deal with it all. It's time for me to "point my toes to heaven". Blessings to all. Feel free to comment.

Thoughts

God does not want us to become ritualistic and routine. I've found the more routine in looking for God, the more I become bored. This is not saying we should not be disciplined because we should be. But we must be disciplined to seek God with everything we have and with an open heart to Him.

We must choose who to ally with. "He speaks in alliances that have beckoned me long before the womb."- "Breathing Blood", Oh Sleeper (Buy the cd its becoming a war cry in the spirit-filled hardcore scene along with any For Today album) We must chose we can no longer sit on the fence and jump off at the last second when one side seems to be winning. Pick a side.

Christ, in an act of such incredibly violent grace, shed everything even though he could've saved Himself just for me. Even though I'd make Him a liar by sinning he still bled for me and treated me as royalty in His eyes... an act I probably will never understand, but am eternally thankful for.

Glorious is your Name above all else. Your Words are sweet coming off my lips. Let all you have for me fall down on me Lord so I can bless those around me with your never ending grace and your mercy for a beggar like me.

Every Thought a Thought of You

I pray that every thought I have Lord is of You and if it isn't forgive me.

every thought a thought of You
no more thought, i ought to do
when there ain't a thing we see
or touch we trust is true
every thought a thought of You

every look in search of You
no need for book when we're with You
You wear a thin disguise,
oh Light within my brother's eyes
every look a search for You

every song in praise of You
our darkest nights are days to You
the trees raise branches high
like arms in church to greatful sky
every song in praise of You

no one here to believe but You
everyone else is bound to leave but you
when they swear their love is real,
they mean "i like the way you make me feel"
there's no one here to believe but you

كل عناية فكرة منك
ابدا اهتمام عين اجب
هيا لح في الحاح قد اقام الله
حق لا اله الا الل

[kul-anaya fikr minh ka
abadan ahatmam enna ajab
hayya’alal falal qad qamadis alah
Haqq: la illaha il Allah]

Translation from Arabic:

every thought is a thought of you
never concerned about what we should be
Lets resolve to live in the manner God planned
there is no God but God