Rain

I watched the rain after a jog I took tonight. The rain fell in sheets. Most don't even recognize it. It made me think...

Often times I think about how humanity goes through their lives not really knowing what they want. When it is warm out we wish it was cooler. When it is hot and dry we wish it would rain. Yet when it is cooler or it rains, we act as though we never wanted it to be cooler or we shut the open window to stop from hearing or feeling the rain. What we asked for was a disservice to us. We are never really content with what we have. 

Even we are ungrateful in our comforts that "come standard". We feel the dishes aren't cleaned right but we refuse to do even our own dishes...the shower stall isn't big enough...the kitchen isn't big enough... the computer does not move fast enough for me...the food is horrible... the list goes on. We are forever ungrateful for what we are given. Nothing is ever good enough, even when we are inconvenienced just a little we cannot cope and we complain.

Why not be glad we have the ability to shower whenever we want, that we have air conditioning, that we have a computer, that we even have a place to stay to begin with. We get so comfortable with what we assume is standard and vital to living; a bed, a mattress, sheets, a pillow, clean water, shoes, clothing, food... we have it all but we want more. 

do we know what we want? do we know what we need? do we know the difference between the two? 

It is a gift to even be alive and able to stop and realize what we have... to look around and see beauty and not just random beauty, but planned artistic beauty. We have it all... but we don't even realize it.

I watched the rain after a jog I took tonight. It fell in sheets. Most don't even recognize it

Yuck

I haven't been on in a while to post. Between break, my wisdom teeth getting pulled and then school starting again I've had no time. I really don't know what to say. I feel gross because I just ate bacon and eggs and shouldn't have. I can't really sleep and I have class early. But who am I to complain. Many have it far far worse than I do. I just need to thank God and try to sleep. Which is what I will do I guess. I'll write more later.

Can't help it...

I got engaged this past weekend. :  ) I'm so happy and so is my now fiancee. School is gone nuts though! I'm so bogged down with work. I can't stand it. I feel as if I won't need this stuff except anything that I can learn about the Bible and God. I feel as thought that is all that matters at this point. But I'm not the one paying the bill. My parents are and I need to do well so as to not waste their money. 


I can't wait for the break so I can help in planning the wedding, and work a little. Hopefully work at the local studio because I enjoy it there. I also can't wait to spend more time seeking God. I need to do that more. I sense I need to do this urgently. So I guess I probably should do it now rather than wait. Oh Lord, please give me the strength to get my work done and to find and be keen to your ways and keen to when you speak. I think I'm beginning to understand the gifts you gave me and I thank you for them and may they bring glory to Your name.

Failure On

I failed tonight... and this weekend. I feel horrible like I let God down. In a way I did... I spat in His face and did what I wanted. I feel dirty and messed up. I hate this feeling and the feeling of disappointment. I don't feel any better after doing it, in fact I feel dumb and childish. I don't like this.

Why do I keep doing it???

This weekend was ok. I was suppose to propose this past weekend to my girl friend but her mom didn't want me to and essentially stopped me by saying she wanted to talk to me. But she did, and I'm glad we talked cause I feel closer to her now and what she had to say was valuable information. I think I'm going to propose this weekend at some point. I feel I need too regardless of it being away from "home" and not where we can readily celebrate with family. But this is me starting my family... so in a sense I will be with family, just not in the presence of our parents. I'm excited about it... I hope I don't get too nervous.

I'm so tired but I can't fall asleep really quick. I have a friend that can, sometimes I wish I could just sleep like that. I don't even know why I'm writing cause nobody reads this anyways. I guess i write to listen to myself so I can really see if what I'm thinking makes sense and isn't stupid. It helps me sort it out and in the off chance it helps someone if they ever read this... all the better. I guess i should try and sleep some and pray to help me get rid of this feeling and to right all the wrong I did because I did do wrong and I know this... I just feel horrible and want to make it right. Blessings.

Assalaamu Alaikum

Crying

There's something about crying that is just refreshing and renewing to the soul. I don't cry much but when I do you know something has bothered me a lot. I cried tonight... over what isn't really relevant right now but it felt good to get it all out. The Bible says "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4) Those that cry will be comforted. Those that hurt will be consoled. I was consoled. I was comforted and I give God the glory in it all. 


I also just sat around today. It felt good. I needed the rest. God calls for us to rest... especially on Sunday to rest in body and in spirit with Him. I urge you all to rest in Him... and no matter what allow Him to work through you. 


I'm tired now. I think I'm going to go and sleep. 

Assalaamu Alaikum

Reliance

As I sit here listening to Owl City... I remembered something I read today about relying on God. In order for Him to help us any we need to give Him it all. It makes sense... How can anyone fix anything if we don't give them all the parts? I prayed last night for help with finances and I got called today for an interview. Praise God. The more I think about it if I just give it all to Him and just let it go He will cover me. Because everything is His already it's just on loan to us. So why not just give it all to Him and let Him deal with it all. It's time for me to "point my toes to heaven". Blessings to all. Feel free to comment.

Thoughts

God does not want us to become ritualistic and routine. I've found the more routine in looking for God, the more I become bored. This is not saying we should not be disciplined because we should be. But we must be disciplined to seek God with everything we have and with an open heart to Him.

We must choose who to ally with. "He speaks in alliances that have beckoned me long before the womb."- "Breathing Blood", Oh Sleeper (Buy the cd its becoming a war cry in the spirit-filled hardcore scene along with any For Today album) We must chose we can no longer sit on the fence and jump off at the last second when one side seems to be winning. Pick a side.

Christ, in an act of such incredibly violent grace, shed everything even though he could've saved Himself just for me. Even though I'd make Him a liar by sinning he still bled for me and treated me as royalty in His eyes... an act I probably will never understand, but am eternally thankful for.

Glorious is your Name above all else. Your Words are sweet coming off my lips. Let all you have for me fall down on me Lord so I can bless those around me with your never ending grace and your mercy for a beggar like me.